In the bag.

That was the funniest and best interview I've ever had. They gave me the job on the spot. It seems like it'll be a great place to work. It's for a litigation company downtown. I got passed around to 3 people for an interview and everyone was really cool. I waited for probably half an hour for the first woman to interview me because she was working on a project, then I got handed to the HR manager, who is Persian (score for me taking Persian!). He asked me all sorts of random questions like which way is north, what's 3% of $5, etc. I was having a blast actually. Everyone dresses casually and I'm just super excited to start. I'll be starting on the 17th. Woo! I think I'm finally happy with the way everything is going. I have a wonderful man to share my life with, a cute little apartment and a pretty cool job. This life can only get better. :)

FINALLY!!

I got a job interview. I'm so excited and nervous! It's in downtown and I'm pretty sure that it's with Nationwide Insurance as an Administrative Assistant. You have no idea how long I've even been waiting for just an interview. THANK YOU GOD!! Lol. I think life is finally looking up. I think I might be able to do this! Get a job, lose weight... I'm gonna work it. Watch out, world!!

Migraine.

I had to skip school today because of a migraine. I get them all the time, but the past couple of months I haven't had too many. But these past two weeks they've been bombarding me. I think the chiropractor was helping for a bit, but it was just getting too expensive. I am so tired right now. I really hate these. I'm eating some Top Ramen right now and then hopefully I'll try to get some more sleep and sleep this off...

Agoraphobia and Obesity

I went to a big party with my boyfriend last night. It was a surprise going away party for a few of his coworkers who had recently been laid off. I don't know if I was just in a weird mood or what, but I did NOT want to be there. Everyone was drinking, having a good time, while I just couldn't bring myself to have any fun whatsoever. I was DD, so I didn't have anything to drink, either. I'm wondering if I just get these intense anxiety attacks when I'm around a lot of people that I don't really know too well. It's really not even anxiety... I do get anxious, but I also get insanely irritated. I wanna punch anyone who gets near me and crawl into a hole. It's weird and I've tried just dealing with it, but I definitely don't have a good time around large crowds.

Another thing that bothered me a lot was that there were a few girls there who were thin and beautiful. It made me feel horrible because I used to be fit and looked good in what I was wearing. Now I bulge out of my bras, getting the back fat roll. My belly jiggles when I walk. It's disgusting. I've struggled with my weight ever since I was 18 and it just never gets easy. I weigh 197. I'm 5'8. According to my BMI, I'm not just overweight, I'm obese. I told my boyfriend that today and he refuses to believe it. I don't think he understands how much I need him to validate my wanting to lose weight. I know I'm fat, but he won't accept it. Now that we're all moved in, I am attempting to eat healthy or, at the very least, smaller portions. I went for a walk/run this morning. It was only for 15 minutes and I ran a total of a block, but I'm at least getting out and doing something. I'll start pushing myself more and more as I get more exercise under my belt. I'm so sick and tired of being fat. The irony of my weight gain became apparent when I got a letter in the mail. When I was a senior in high school, my English teacher had all of us write a letter to ourselves, which would be mailed 4 years later. It's now been 6 years since I wrote that letter, and the thing that I wrote that hits me hardest is "Don't gain weight." That's one thing I've failed. I'm desperate now. My mother is overweight and I do not want to get as bad as she is. I will win this battle, even if it takes my whole life. This has to be a life change - eating right, exercising and just making smart choices. It is difficult, but I need to do this for myself. There is no more "try". I WILL lose weight and be healthy.